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Pop Culture Magazines that go Pop

I just was reading an article at GOODmagazine.com that lists the 51 best magazines ever (from kottle.org).

I guess it is time to renew my Esquire subscription.

Bitter Baldy

From www.idontlikeyouinthatway.com:

February 26, 2007

Britney Spears Gets More Insane

Promises Clinic staffers found Britney’s “death list” after stripping Spears when they suspected she smuggled cocaine into the facility. The list included Kevin Federline and several members of the paparazzi. A source said: When the staff confronted her she just burst into tears. She was crying uncontrollably. “She’s now such a broken woman. She has dark fantasies about terrible things happening to her enemies.”

AHHHH! She’s coming to get me! Okay look psycho Britney I swear that anything I ever wrote on here making fun of you was actaully written by Sarah and not me at all. See, I like you and I still think you are the hottest thing on the planet, screw that Lindsay Lohan and Paris and all that junk, cue ball and all, you are tops. hee hee now please put down the umbrella. Don’t kill me please. I heard Perez Hilton say you’re fat, get him! You would be doing a world of good for all celebrities, trust me. Love you and your babies, hugs?

the most valuable advice i’ve ever gotten . . .

i think the video is self explanatory.

Adult Film Idol

Crikey! Somebody’s been naughty and now it is on the internet. Tsk tsk, isn’t that always the way. Well, too bad it is a singing contest and meant to jump start your career in the music industry, not in porn. I bet you it was her witchy best friend that took this in a who’s hotter duel. And then they made out, soaking wet. In your dreams internet perverts! Her BFF is a wench. She said something about making it in the group competition because she was a “good person” as opposed to the poor blonde girl that seemed sweet enough that got the boot. See photo evidence below:

Awwww..back to the farm. But it’s okay cause then the New Jersey princess best friend found herself cut not long after. Take that pond scum!

Weekend Whaaa?

I have no weekend so no Friday to celebrate for me. For you, I have a photo to show you what you can aspire to achieve on your days off. Voila:

Fun and attractive. This time our little friend Daniell is off the hook since this one looks like my man Scott, red faced and all. With lots of drink and a little stink you too can be this guy. Wishing you all a weekend like this one…

Thank Moses they don’t play that Daniel Powter song anymore

Now if you leave American Idol you get Chris Daughtry’s “Going home” or whatever that song is called. Ahhh. I thought for sure I would have to claw my ears off to that “Had a Bad Day” song. Phew. Instead I just had to claw my eyes out cause they had Fantasia Barrino on there again.

Gah! That mouth could swallow Nigeria whole and !bam! no more scams. Too busy Fantasia will be too busy on Broadway to be ingesting countries that have pissed me off lately. Whoever got kicked off American Idol last night will not really be missed since they were forgettable. Doolittle freaks me out cause she has no neck and I find her face to be gigantic and hard to look at. Such a sweet girl though. I deserve a beating I know. Hoping for a good one this weekend.

The 411 on 419

I just thought I sold an item on eBay (my broken iPod *sob*) and then I get this e-mail from someone wanting me to ship it to Nigeria before they pay me. I am so sick of this crap as well as those stupid e-mails promising me millions from some lottery winner inheritance or some shit. Read up on this never-ending menace here or maybe even here. It is sad that some have actually fallen for these scams that are so transparent to most. I have seen it so much that it is nothing but annoying and wondered why it always involved Nigeria. Well, now we know. I thought they just used that country as a random choice because most aren’t familiar with it, but I did notice that none of their communications had anything close to proper English. Check out this scary victim info from Wikipedia:

• Some victims have hired private investigators in Nigeria or have personally travelled to Nigeria, without ever retrieving their money. There are cases of victims being unable to cope with the losses and committing suicide. ^[13]
• One American was murdered in Nigeria in June 1995 after being lured by a 419 scam.
• In February 2003, a scam victim from the Czech Republic shot and killed Michael Lekara Wayid, an official at the Nigerian embassy in Prague. ^{[14] [15]}
• 29-year old George Makronalli, a Greek man, was murdered in South Africa after responding to a 419 scam. ^[3]
• Kjetil Moe, a Norwegian businessman, was reported missing and ultimately killed after a trade with Nigerian scammers in Johannesburg, South Africa (September 1999). [1]
• Mary Winkler is awaiting trial over the shooting of her pastor husband on March 22, 2006, after allegedly being taken for $17,500 in a 419 scam.^[16]
• Leslie Fountain, a senior technician at Anglia Polytechnic University in England, set himself on fire after falling victim to a scam; Fountain died of his injuries.^[17]

That is just scary and sad. I guess I should suck it up if it is just annoying to me since I am far from setting myself on fire. Actually, I do kind of have urges to set myself on fire but that is completely unrelated to this discussion. Hey, I learned something today and it didn’t involve Britney Spears shaved head or Anna Nicole Smith (okay, so I did learn a few things about them today too but I won’t torture you with any more of that).

UPDATE: Ebay e-mailed me this morning saying I have to relist my item since the account that was bidding was not being used by the proper owner. I can’t believe these bastards are ruining eBay now too. All hail eBay for being right on top of it though with a quick response to what is happening. I heart eBay forever.

attempt number two . . .

i tried to write this post earlier but it didn’t work out. dammit. it was totally brilliant and there’s no way i can recreate it. i can try but i know it won’t be as good.

anyway, internet time has been sparse here and any internet time i do have is spent trolling the internet for the latest “britney spears is a massive train wreck” gossip. jebus, so much is going on in that situation that i can’t even keep up. i keep trying not to want to keep up but it’s just so damn addictive. just incase you care: las vegas is good. i have a sunburn. i learned the joys of the penny slots, an old man taught me the ropes (and his wife got mad at him for talking to me). brian and i went horseback riding. i thought i was going to die. brian nearly did. i lost at roulette then i won. my favorite casino is the imperial palace cause it’s crazy trashy and wonderful. here are some pictures:

this is a wild donkey (or if you prefer, mule). it’s one of a pair, they were both really friendly. i want one instead of a dog.

this is part of red rock canyon - it’s beautiful and humbling.

drunk brian, after telling me that he wished life were like pac man only instead of eating circles you could just eat lemon meringue, asked if the bathroom was in this mans “crotch”. clearly, drunk brian is charming.

Britney’s magic 8 ball of a head says “Yes” to Lindsay following in her footsteps

Oh, and it also said “yeah, and monkeys might fly out of my butt” when I asked it if JT would ever get back with her sorry ass. Geez, I get the point rude Britney head. As if I didn’t know that already. Anyway, the constant nose powderer (and we’re not talking makeup here people) that is Lohan is fresh out of the ‘hab and little Brit is fresh in. I guess Britney’s family begged her Intervention-style. Gotta love that show by the way. I wish I could see Brit or Lindsay like that methhead/alcoholic stripper I saw on there fighting her sister naked in the middle of the street. Not for perverted reasons, just cause it makes for good tv. Why don’t they ever think of entertaining us that way? I guess it doesn’t pay. Can you imagine the publicity though? You’ve done the everybody look at my bagina thing, now it is time for drug induced combativeness while naked. I think Lindsay is one step away from making my twisted dream come true, I mean just look at her:

Someone’s been playing in the snow again…

My Favoritest Person in the World(other than the one I am supposed to marry)

Joel McHale of The Soup wins the prize for being the most fantastic person ever made.  See video evidence below:

I hope he gives you the warm fuzzies otherwise I might drive you crazy with Joel overexposure on this site. I just can’t get enough and hopefully you can’t either cause he is my new Pete Wentz.  Learn more about him here.  Some details may be just a little inaccurate, but if you want the truth, what are you doing on the internet? I heart him and you heart him too or I will steal your most beloved family pet.  Honest.