Blogisthenewblog

dear shia:

i know that i’ve loved you for a very long time but recently i’ve come to realize that we have to break up.  it seems like just the other day i was gushing to my friend jess about you and now it’s come to this.
i’m not going to give you any of that “it’s not you, it’s me” bullshit. it’s not me, it’s totally all you. i’ve noticed so many changes in you lately. first you started slicking back your hair, needless to say, i don’t think it’s having the desired affect, you look more creepy then good. then there was the interview in vanity fair. i couldn’t read it all in one sitting because you sounded like a total asshole. now you’re rumored to be dating rihanna, she of alien head and awful umbrella song. it’s like i don’t even know you anymore, the boy i fell in love with is gone.

don’t do anything to try and win me back because it won’t work, i’m already in love with someone else (hey michael cera!). we had some good times, i know you won’t forget them and i won’t either.

sarah

ugly of the week

seriously, i’m starting to think that britney spears is going to be the permanent ugly. instead of featuring her face this week, i give you this:

for all our sakes, keep it covered britney.

Try Not to Gag

I think they might be passing something there.  Nah, just disease I guess.  Yup, it’s official.  Any like I ever had for Tito Ortiz has vanished.  You could hide stuff in those neck rolls.

And More of The Soup, cause I know you can’t get enough

It’s an oldie but a goodie…

The Real High School Musical

That was definately more like it.  Is it just me or is there something incredibly creepy about Zac Efron?

Amy Winehouse - in a year or so…

Go to about 1:15…

kate hudson: slut.

damn, the girl gets around.  i rember back in the day, before she was famous, there were all kinds of rumors going around that she was dating neanderthal hockey player eric lindros.  shortly after she became famous she married chris robinson, lead singer of the black crows.  before they were even divorced she was on to owen wilson.  the break up of hudson and wilson hadn’t even been confirmed when photos of a shirtless dax shepard escorting hudson, with shepards shirt over her head, out of a club surfaced.  just think, these are the guys we know about, how many others are there?  seriously, no wonder owen wilson is rumored to have attempted suicide, it must not feel very good to know that you’re just another, of many, notches on kate hudson’s bedpost*.

kate and chris

kate and owen

kate and dax.  what the hell kind of name is dax anyway?  and is that any way to behave in a grocery store?

* no, i don’t know the feeling of helplessness and emptiness that being another notch on hudson’s bedpost from experience.  damn her, why does she have to hurt me people so!!!

my two favorite unsubstantiated rumors

every little once and a while beautiful rumors surface that are far to perfect and wonderful to be true.  here are my two current favorites:

1. britney spears is working with uber-trashy “magician” kris angel in order to create a mtv awards opening in which she would disappear and then re-appear in another country.  is this an attempt to revive her career?  nope.  it’s an attempt to get her children away from her parents and k-fed so that she and her babies can start over.
2. jake gyllenhaal is going to come out of the closet by the end of next month.  why?  because he and his long-time partner, maybe a drunk driving actor, maybe a chef, are planning on becoming parents.  a surrogate is, according to rumor, knocked up at this very moment.

feast on those, my pretties.

Drunk of the Week-Look within yourself Edition

This little feature is as late as puberty was for me.  I am still waiting by the way.  No, not really.  Anyway, here is a wonderful opportunity to explore yourself in a different way than you might on a lonely Friday night when Doogie Howser comes on.  Wait, what?  Nothing.  Just do this quiz and shut the hell up. 

ugly of the week

amy winehouse and her awful, white trash husband are the clear winners for this week. the saddest part about everything is that this is the best they’ve looked in a while. seriously, the day after this fight they were bringing the hot, not according to normal standards but compared to their normal crack whore ones.

please note the bloody ballet slippers, rumored to be due to winehouse’s proclivity for injecting heroin between her toes and blake’s wicked case of crazy eye.