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kate hudson: slut.

damn, the girl gets around.  i rember back in the day, before she was famous, there were all kinds of rumors going around that she was dating neanderthal hockey player eric lindros.  shortly after she became famous she married chris robinson, lead singer of the black crows.  before they were even divorced she was on to owen wilson.  the break up of hudson and wilson hadn’t even been confirmed when photos of a shirtless dax shepard escorting hudson, with shepards shirt over her head, out of a club surfaced.  just think, these are the guys we know about, how many others are there?  seriously, no wonder owen wilson is rumored to have attempted suicide, it must not feel very good to know that you’re just another, of many, notches on kate hudson’s bedpost*.

kate and chris

kate and owen

kate and dax.  what the hell kind of name is dax anyway?  and is that any way to behave in a grocery store?

* no, i don’t know the feeling of helplessness and emptiness that being another notch on hudson’s bedpost from experience.  damn her, why does she have to hurt me people so!!!

my two favorite unsubstantiated rumors

every little once and a while beautiful rumors surface that are far to perfect and wonderful to be true.  here are my two current favorites:

1. britney spears is working with uber-trashy “magician” kris angel in order to create a mtv awards opening in which she would disappear and then re-appear in another country.  is this an attempt to revive her career?  nope.  it’s an attempt to get her children away from her parents and k-fed so that she and her babies can start over.
2. jake gyllenhaal is going to come out of the closet by the end of next month.  why?  because he and his long-time partner, maybe a drunk driving actor, maybe a chef, are planning on becoming parents.  a surrogate is, according to rumor, knocked up at this very moment.

feast on those, my pretties.

Is that a flask in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Wino totally has a package in a lot of pictures. I know it just looks like zipper bulge, but is it possible to own that many shorts that do that? I have the Einhorn/Finkelstein theory-she’s a man baby. I know her face looks womanly enough, but don’t let the eyeliner fool you.

Call me Teen Beat

So here is some of the buzz from Buzznet.  My continuing obsession with My Chemical Romance, and mainly Gerard Way has escalated and now I have resorted to surfing the teenage emo gossip sites for any trace of information about him.  Oh god I am sad.  Anyway, apparently he was engaged to Eliza Cuts, hairdresser to many different emo boys and something has gone horribly awry and now the engagement is off.  Here’s her pic:

I don’t know why I bother cause she looks totally different in every photo, but that gives you the general idea, now doesn’t it?  So people are saying that whatever she did, Gerard is pissed.  See below:

“During a concert Gerard started
chanting and screaming:
I’M GONNA WASH THAT MAN RIGHT OUTTA MY HAIR!
over and over. [Hmm..related to a certain hairdresser he knows? ;)]
And changed the lyrics to
‘Give Em Hell Kid’
(during the “there’s no way I’m kissing that guy” part) to:
“You can keep the house, i’ll keep the dog, you can take the car,
AND I’LL KEEP THE FUCKING DOG!”

Gerard also took off his
gloves on stage and apparently waved
his now “ring-free” hand during Cancer as he sang
“know that i will never marry”
apparently he REALLY screamed
“NEVER MARRY” and did the cut throat sign…
During Mama at the end where
he “cries” he dragged the crying out
longer than needed and kept
repeating “I’m soooo upset. Boo Hoo.
I’m sooo saaaad.” And after he
stopped “crying” he looked at the
camera with this smirk that said
“To hell I am!”

This is from a random Buzznet post but there seems to be a lot of other posts backing up that story and he has supposedly told a few interviewers that he is no longer engaged.  Who knows what went on there, but he should now just face the facts and hook up with Frank (one of the guitarists) or the lead singer of Billy Talent (who apparently Gerard is a big fan of-yay Canada and I love them too cause I am teenie like that even though I am 27. Weep for me).

 Smokin’ couple.  That’s Ben from Billy Talent.

That’s Gerard in the back and Frank in the front, just how it should be! Ow!  Sorry homophobes, but you can suck it.

Ok, I know Gerard isn’t gay (he totally embraces the manlove though), but it would make me so much less jealous if he was.

sex faces aren’t pretty

so, there were these rumors going around that a mexican paparazzo took pictures of nick lachey and vanessa minnillo doing it in a mexican hot tub. supposedly lachey and minnillo put the kibosh on the photos threatening to sue the pants off of anyone who published or posted them.

turns out rumors are totally always true. my beloved site drunken stepfather fears no one and they posted the photos. here they are in all their non glory.

if i had a penis (which, contrary to rumor, i do not) i’d give it to minnillo from the back too cause i wouldn’t be able to stand looking at her slow face.

Jenna Gets Her Freak On

Tito must insist on some lip cause those things just keep getting bigger and bigger. Sorry honey, the Angelina lips just don’t work when a plastic surgeon makes them. She used to be super hot and she almost looks it in these photos, but those lips…

She’s starting to look like these ladies:

Eeeeeeeeek!

Annoyance of the Day #48832901

People are freaking cause of this picture Rosie O’Donnell posted of her daughter on her website.  The most common reactions include accusing her of promoting war to her kids (uh hello, she is overly outspoken about her liberal beliefs and how much she is against the war dumbasses) or saying that this was a really dangerous act in putting bullets around her kid.  Okay all you morons, do you think bullets just discharge in thin air?  I’ve played with kinder eggs more dangerous than those.  Jesus.  Untangle your panties and get something better to spazz about.  How is this controversial? Want to see pictures of dead children on the streets of Lebanon?  Maybe that might make the fuckwits realize there is more to worry about than Rosie’s kids and her choices in photography.  Now back to much more interesting celebrity gossip…

PS-I think it’s a really cool pic and there is nothing wrong with teaching your children about the world instead of sheltering them under the umbrella of American wealth.  That’s just my completely ridiculous opinon. 

Let’s put an end to this

Enough with the Nicole Richie bumpwatch! If she is pregnant we will find out soon enough, but I doubt it. Have you people never seen pictures of starving African children? It is total starvation belly she has got going on and it is completely not hot. Anyway, as for the others on bumpwatch such as Katie Holmes or Halle Berry, give us a fucking break! Must be men commenting on these photos cause women have small pouches even if they are not fat and how do these guys not know this. It is called a gunt. It is always there unless you are super skinny (when it might appear too, but then it is known as the starvation belly and you can see above) It is worse on some days so leave the poor femmes alone until it really shows. God, today I look like I’m about to pop out a 5 month wee one, I can’t even imagine what they’d say if they got a look at me.

Word to the Unwise

Can you spot what is wrong with this photo? Okay, besides the fact that Tom Cruise is in it and he really freaks everyone out. Okay, besides the fact that their baby is also a robot. Okay, besides the fact that his yaght-club all American cheese outfit makes you want to barf. Okay, besides the fact that Katie Holmes has totally copied Posh’s haircut yet in a much cuter way. Here is what I am getting at: She is wearting 4 inch stillettos while playing with her baby on a fucking dock. How very Victoria Beckham. The haircut is polluting her brain. Please, oh please, get one of those pups caught in a gap and let the three of you plunge into the sea forever. Ok, save Katie and Suri since if Tom bites it they will surely be released from his evil Scientology spell and be returned to humanity. I never thought a good set of pumps could restore world order, but in this case I see potential.

The Jail Diet

Poor Paris doesn’t want to eat and has already dropped 10 pounds according to recent reports.

So that is why Nicole Richie got herself a DUI. Aha! I am so on to you bitches. I’m going to go vandalize some shit and hopefully drop 20, then I’m going to write a book about it and chubby chicks everywhere will be heading to the slammer.