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For the housebitches…

Here’s what you need:  Cleaning products that don’t have phosphates, don’t have harsh chemicals that make your lungs burn (I seriously think I did some damage with the shit I’ve been using), don’t test on animals, come in recycled packaging, have no animal products (other than beeswax-oh boo hoo poor bees-who gives a shit about those stinging bastards anyway, really) and supposedly smell good and work well too.  Sounds like a miracle for us tree huggers doesn’t it?  I’m impressed even if you’re not anyway and I’m gonna get me some.  Two sister companies, Mrs. Meyers and Caldrea have some good stuff.  Their packaging is even cute and for the looks-obsessed that is important damn it!  See here:

 How cute.  I know, like OMG. Caldrea goes for the shishi look and Mrs. Meyers is just soaked in kitcsh.  Take your pick.  Both have very similar products with different scents.  Shoot your wad (or spend it, maybe that would be nicer) at www.mrsmeyers.com or www.caldrea.com.  Caldrea has carriers in Canada, Mrs. Meyers does not.  There we go being inferior again, eh?  Anyway, these mofos have laundry detergent even!  They have everything.  Never get bleach eye stinging, skin blistering, lungs begging for mercy again!  Whoo hoo!  I would much rather kill myself with cigarettes and alcohol than something as lame as harsh cleaning products and I’m sure you would too.  Get shopping domestic slaves…

Jublies

A little pregnancy breast and BOOOM! she’s totally hot. Very impressive. Oh too be skinny and still have those…

On the other hand, there is this:

Sweet Jesus, you could feed the starving in Africa with those monsters! My back aches just looking at this. That is a whole lotta woman. I know she is prego and that is beautiful and all that….yadayadayada

Drunk of the Week-Wednesday Special

This is a Wednesday special cause I was unable to post my usual Friday Drunk of the Week. My thong didn’t match my laptop so I decided to pass out on a picnic table instead:

Ok, you got me. That actually is someone else. I might have preferred to be in her place, shame and all compared to where I really was on Friday (work…aka that which drives me to drink).

Drunk of the Week-Super Creepy Art Edition

Egads, what are these dudes up to?  What is with the ultra white one doing the ear-handles bit? Is even a dude? Forced oral is so 2004 and what is this, 1890?  Mustache man looks like he’s higher than Nicole Richie going the wrong way on the freeway.  Tee heeeeee.

Mr. Butch — RIP

It is a sad week in Allston. Everyone’s favorite homeless man legend in the Boston area has died. I’m not going to attempt to tell you Butch’s background, you can read his wikipedia entry and his fan site and Boston.com article covering his unfortunate demise.

I will share two memories.

One late night/morning (years ago, I am much more mature now), I was hanging out with my friend Jay. Outside his apartment building, we saw Butch. He was looking might thirsty, so Jay ran up to his apartment and found a bottle of Ketel One. We all downed it and decided to race around on some old shopping cart nearby. I ended up taking a spill and ripping most of my thumb off (if it weren’t for the booze, I may have passed out). I ended up crashing at Jay’s apartment that night on his new couch. I was so afraid of spilling blood on his new furniture that I wrapped my hand in a towel and made sure to sleep on my back with my hand on my chest. Anyway, even years later, Butch would yell out to me, commenting me on my drinking abilities.

Second quick story. We occasionally grab a bite to eat at a local cafe called Herrells. It is a great place to feed, check it out if you are in Allston anytime soon. Butch walked in looking for a free coffee and had some sort of paper he seemed to be obsessing over. We asked what it was. He was betting on this week’s college football games. I wanted some action, so I placed a bet with Butch. I didn’t win, but it was nice to finally have a bookie.

Drunk of the Week-Truth in Advertising Edition

Mmmmm that looks appetizing.  Hey!  I recognize that floor!  Didn’t I see you last weekend?

Call me Teen Beat

So here is some of the buzz from Buzznet.  My continuing obsession with My Chemical Romance, and mainly Gerard Way has escalated and now I have resorted to surfing the teenage emo gossip sites for any trace of information about him.  Oh god I am sad.  Anyway, apparently he was engaged to Eliza Cuts, hairdresser to many different emo boys and something has gone horribly awry and now the engagement is off.  Here’s her pic:

I don’t know why I bother cause she looks totally different in every photo, but that gives you the general idea, now doesn’t it?  So people are saying that whatever she did, Gerard is pissed.  See below:

“During a concert Gerard started
chanting and screaming:
I’M GONNA WASH THAT MAN RIGHT OUTTA MY HAIR!
over and over. [Hmm..related to a certain hairdresser he knows? ;)]
And changed the lyrics to
‘Give Em Hell Kid’
(during the “there’s no way I’m kissing that guy” part) to:
“You can keep the house, i’ll keep the dog, you can take the car,
AND I’LL KEEP THE FUCKING DOG!”

Gerard also took off his
gloves on stage and apparently waved
his now “ring-free” hand during Cancer as he sang
“know that i will never marry”
apparently he REALLY screamed
“NEVER MARRY” and did the cut throat sign…
During Mama at the end where
he “cries” he dragged the crying out
longer than needed and kept
repeating “I’m soooo upset. Boo Hoo.
I’m sooo saaaad.” And after he
stopped “crying” he looked at the
camera with this smirk that said
“To hell I am!”

This is from a random Buzznet post but there seems to be a lot of other posts backing up that story and he has supposedly told a few interviewers that he is no longer engaged.  Who knows what went on there, but he should now just face the facts and hook up with Frank (one of the guitarists) or the lead singer of Billy Talent (who apparently Gerard is a big fan of-yay Canada and I love them too cause I am teenie like that even though I am 27. Weep for me).

 Smokin’ couple.  That’s Ben from Billy Talent.

That’s Gerard in the back and Frank in the front, just how it should be! Ow!  Sorry homophobes, but you can suck it.

Ok, I know Gerard isn’t gay (he totally embraces the manlove though), but it would make me so much less jealous if he was.

Drunk of the Week-Homosexual Tendencies Edition

God I love it when two straight guys kind of seem like they want to bang each other.  So hot.  Like this:

He’s saying, “Oh come on Chuck, have another.  They’re delicious.”

“Well, Bert, I guess the wife doesn’t get home for another hour and I’m feeling frisky.”

You may finish the story yourselves as long as it involves oodles of manlove.  See below for pictures of Nick Lachey’s “givin’ it” face if you require inspiration.

Chimp Beatdown

From www.hollywoodrag.com:

Chimp Beaten on ‘Speed Racer’ Set Anger PETA — Christina Ricci’s latest film has sparked outrage following allegations a chimpanzee was beaten on set.

The chimp is said to have bitten an actor on the set of ‘Speed Racer’, which reportedly resulted in the animal being hit.

PETA has written to producer Joel Silver urging him to stop using live animals in his movies.

The chimp bit someone. Does the little bastard not deserve a smack? I’m sure it was not like they got him on the ground and kicked the crap out of him. He probably got a little tap and now PETA is all over that shit. Sometimes they just take things a little far. If anything they shouldn’t be using live animals cause actors get bit, not cause the chimp got a little naughty boy spank. Jesus. I think the bite probably hurt a hell of a lot more. I claim human rights on this one. You should be able to work without some chimp taking a chunk out of you. Here’s the chimp’s reaction to this whole situation:

See what we have driven them too? Today’s society even causes primates to go on homicidal rampages. He’s saying, “Smack me again bitch. I dare you.”

So does PETA not want humans to interact with animals at all? So no pets cause pets can bite too? I don’t understand where they draw the line or why they don’t think there are more important battles to be fought. Have you seen what happens overseas? These movie set animals are nothing compared to dancing bears kept in small cages with chains cut into their noses and trust me, I have seen it all. I think they just fight every battle but they just end up looking like a big whiny pain in the ass of an organization when they don’t just focus on more serious concerns. And no, I don’t consider a serious concern to be some chimp getting a disiplinary whack like you see mothers giving to their kids in grocery stores pretty much everyday.

And this is why I want one…

[youtube]68FqxGkc_1w&sdig[/youtube]

Now just substitute “girlfriend” for “fiancee”  and “sleeps with your cousin” with “sleeps with the girl that rented a room at your place.” (okay, so that never fully happened, but if it did and I had an iPhone I would stalk his ass and have the best tool to do so.  Plus, I still have a list of other people to stalk and the capabilities are just astounding…)

Oh!  And another reason…

[youtube]N76mEr4Eu0M&NR[/youtube]

Now I can totally kick my meth habit!